A friend with same-sex attraction asked me a few years ago, about how I would explain the Christian view on homosexuality to non-Christians. I felt a bit daunted by that, and hadn’t quite wrapped my head around how to present my views lovingly yet uncompromisingly without sounding patronising or distant. Also, there was the fear that no matter what I said, it would be taken by the gay lobby movement as bigotry.
In the years that passed, I read two very good books by Rosaria Butterfield, who writes convincingly, knowledgeably, soundly and lovingly because she was a practicing lesbian and key advocate of gay pride. Through a series of events, she is now the wife of a Reformed Presbyterian pastor.
Here is the blurb from her website on the content of both books.
The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert
Rosaria, by the standards of many, was living a very good life. She had a tenured position at a large university in a field for which she cared deeply. She owned two homes with her partner, in which they provided hospitality to students and activists that were looking to make a difference in the world. There, her partner rehabilitated abandoned and abused dogs. In the community, Rosaria was involved in volunteer work. At the university, she was a respected advisor of students and her department’s curriculum.
And then, in her late 30s, Rosaria encountered something that turned her world upside down—the idea that Christianity, a religion that she had regarded as problematic and sometimes downright damaging, might be right about who God was, an idea that flew in the face of the people and causes that she most loved. What follows is a story of what she describes as a “train wreck” at the hand of the supernatural. These are her secret thoughts about those events, written as only a reflective English professor could.
Openness Unhindered
Terms like same-sex marriage, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gay Christian are part of daily discourse; yet enormous controversy surrounds them. They are the stuff of news headlines and vitriolic social media posts. But they also reflect stirrings of the heart in real people with real questions and concerns.
Rosaria Champagne Butterfield, once a leftist professor in a committed lesbian relationship and now a confessional Christian, but always the thoughtful and compassionate professor, has written a followup to The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert. This book answers many of the questions people pose when she speaks at universities and churches, questions not only about her unlikely conversion to Christ but about personal struggles that the ques tioners only dare to ask someone else who has traveled a long and painful journey.
Dr. Butterfield not only goes to great lengths to clarify some of today’s key controversies, she also traces their history and defines the terms that have become second nature today—even going back to God’s original design for marriage and sexuality as found in the Bible. She cuts to the heart of the problems and points the way to the solution, which includes a challenge to the church to be all that God intended it to be, and for each person to find the true freedom that is found in Christ.
Although her story, like all our stories, is unique and not some replicable standard, her writing helped me understand the deep struggles of one with same-sex attraction.
I urge all Christians who are interested in understanding this issue to read these two books, beautifully written (she was an English literature professor after all) with depth of character, utter honesty and humility.
She chronicles her difficult journey towards faith by God’s irresistible grace, and the extent of pain it put her through. Faith is not easy, not triumphalistic as some are wont to claim, not least in the name-and-claim camps.
As all of us are, she lives in the now and not yet, and she says that her journey is nowhere near complete, and her triumph nowhere near final.
I find this highly encouraging, and I have gained deeper insight into the issues that matter to friends who may have same-sex attraction, and the loving attitudes that we must needs approach them with.
Walking with same-sex attracted friends
I have the honour of being a friend of one of the editors. As a family, thoughout our lives, we also have encountered and tried to walk with Christian friends who experienced same-sex attraction.
It is not something they have sought out. It is not something that they relish day by day. It is something they would loved to have prayed away, if it could be prayed away. But life in this fallen world is not simplistic.
We cannot just say that these things are “not from God” and think they can be easily dismissed if we have the right will.
This book, a compilation of the stories of Christians and/or those who have grown up in loving Christian homes, describes the depth of disjunct that they feel. Their lives and feelings, juxtaposed against the expectations of them, from their families, from their churches.
It gives voice to what a loving yet righteous response is, to friends with same-sex attraction, who are seeking understanding and a Christian community who can walk alongside them as they seek to honour God with celibacy and self-control in their thought life. It shows how unworthy we all are as Christians, and yet clearly brings through how this issue is more complex than our other issues.
It describes the hurt and pain that these friends go through on a daily basis, yet cites great examples of loving friends and ultimately, the prospect of eternal hope.
Christian churches have historically not reacted well, possibly because of a dearth of knowledge of all the attendant issues. Other ‘churches’ have sprung up with false doctrine, false comforts, that will lead to final condemnation. Woe betide those who lead others astray.
Yet whilst showing practical love, we also have to be mindful of the words we use, for words shape thoughts, words trigger actions.
It spurred a lot of reflection, and also triggered hope – that with the right theology, the right attitudes, and the right view of how dastardly sin is before a holy God, we can walk alongside brothers and sisters, and be the community that God would have us be, as we all await the blessed hope of the glorious reappearing of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Do get a copy of this book!
(https://graceworks.com.sg/store/category/christian-living/good-news-for-bruised-reeds-walking-with-same-sex-attracted-friends/)
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